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Jiggy Race Steward

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  • Re: MMXVII Formula 1 Grand Prix Predictor Forum Game

    Yeah, makes sense, I'm only nowhere near the top-5 lmao.


    To explain my stroke of genius, I knew that the Force India would be quick here, because they traditionally are at high-speed tracks and they have Mercedes-engines. I also expected Esteban Ocon to deliver in the wet, based on his performance in the 2016 Brazilian Grand Prix. That's it. Literally that race.

    I also gave him banter on Twitter and knew that it would inspire him to great heights.
  • Re: 2017 Hungarian Grand Prix

    Fernando Alonso is a full-blown meme at this point in the sport and he has fully accepted his new role.
  • 2017 OVO Canadian Grand Prix / 2017 Grand Poutine du Canada

    Greetings.

    We've reached that time of the year where Formula One has landed on American soil. North American-soil. Because luckily for Sergio Perez, we are not in the United States of America, but in Canada. Home of maple leafs, Drake, ice hockey, Drake, maple syrup, Drake, mounties, unconditional hospitality, Aubrey Graham, Degrassi, poutine, countless American refugees who are sick of their own country, a probably unhealthy fascination with professional wrestling, the 6ix, Freddie Ljungberg's alias known as Jacques Villeneuve and Drake. And it's a hometown-race for Canada's very own Lance Stroll! And seeing how the last hometown boy in Jacques Villeneuve drove like even a bigger nutjob as usual every time we've reached Montreal.....Well, I'm sure everything will go alright.

    What it does not have is BACON. CANADA DOES NOT HAVE BACON. THEIR BACON SUCKS. THEIR BACON CAN GO F-

    Bacon is overrated guys.

    The Grand Prix du Canada almost was over before it even got started with Lewis Hamilton having trouble getting over the disappointment that Montreal is not a smaller part of Toronto, the only city that matters in Canada. I feel his pain. Why won't we do a race in Toronto? Post-race podium-interview held by the 6ix god himself, Drake, oh man, oh man.

    Anyway, despite what Barney Stinson told you, Canada is awesome. Montreal usually is awesome. And despite the fact that I find it weird that a bunch of faux-Frenchies are singing God Save The Queen during its anthem, the race at the Circuit Gilles Villeneuve usually is awesome too. So expect people to screw up. That Wall of Champions is probably going to get rammed so hard, the people of Montreal will mistake it for Vince McMahon's nose after he screwed Bret Hart at the Montreal Screwjob in 1997. Who will be screwed at Montreal in 2017 though is most likely, definitely, without a doubt, Fernando Alonso. Imagine being that talented and having to deal with McLaren-Honda's screwups.

    Talk about screw-ups, meet Lance Stroll. He's young, he's rich, but he's young, but still people expected much more. Canada is the perfect place to find great success in smashing into lots of cars, so watch this space. They actually speak French in Montreal. So here's the French translation from a special guest writer, a true French-Canadian.





    Bonjour.


    Salut.

  • Re: MMXVII Formula 1 Grand Prix Predictor Forum Game

    I am not fuzzed. I am well aware of the force of the Afro, I am also aware that the competition is aware of the force of the Afro. With great Afro, comes great envy. Therefore, in order to stop the Afro, I will assume that our nefarious rivals is NOT above altering your great premonitive insight by drugging you, causing acute selective amnesia in order to stop the great rondure of the Afro Lords from delivering you with elitairistic predictions.

    This is a heinous act of which you should take no blame, my Afro-bro.


    In all seriousness, this is just a forum game and uni tasks are obviously much more important. So good luck with them and I hope you'll do good.

    If things really are starting to pile up, I'm willing to take over for a couple of races.
  • 2017 Real Spanish Grand Prix in Barcelona

    We're racing in Catalunya AND THAT IS STILL SPAIN PEOPLE, don't talk about your independence until you've decided you've grown a pair.

    A totally, non-political race-thread about a totally normal race on a totally normal track.

    Real Madrid are in the Champions League-final. And Fernando Alonso, who is a Real Madrid-fan (RELEVANCE), will be hoping that his luck will be somewhat similar to the 11-time Champions League-winners in what is an absymal season for the double-World Champion. The man from Oviedo will be enjoying the sea of blue flags in the crowd, which might cause him to day-dream and think back of better days when he was still winning races, championships even in the light-blue Mild Seven Renault. Just like the livery of his waste of a McLaren though, his prospects of F1-successes in the immediate future are mostly pitch-black.

    While Alonso will be mostly counting his days to the only opportunity to escape this Anglo-Japanese hellhole in the Indy 500, the fight for the championship has taken an interesting turn. Last year, we all had to play along with Mercedes' conjured up stress and fabricated drama, as they dominated the field. Now, this has been replaced by actual stress and actual drama. Faced with the prospect of competition that's not in-house for a change, Mercedes talked quite openly about the possibility of demoting one of its drivers (Bottas) to become the second driver (Bottas) in support for the main driver's (Hamilton) bid for the WDC (seriously, this is what they brought him in for in the first place) and after Valtteri Bottas bottled a pole-position at the Bahrain (sponsored by Rose Water, much better than Champagne) Grand Prix to finish a bleak 3rd (this is so unessential, these little additions in brackets), it seemed easy to decipher who the Mercedes-brass were alluding to (Wehrlein did good at that GP though. Also BOTTAS.). But then, Bottas did the impossible and actually responded under major pressure by switching it around at the For Our Glorious Leader Vladimir Putin Russian Grand Prix, starting from 3rd, but grabbing his first win in Formula One.

    So Bottas is still in the game. Leading the game is Sebastian Vettel in his Ferrari. Chasing the game as his nearest challenger is Lewis Hamilton, who was so slow in Russia, he looked like the second driver. I don't think that has ever happened to him. So he'll probably bounce back in Spain. Or not. I don't really care, IT WAS A YEAR AGO THAT YOUNG MAD MAX VERSTAPPEN MADE HIS RED BULL RACING DEBUT AFTER KICKING OUT DANI torpedo KVYAT AND HE IMMEDIATELY WON THE RACE! THAT WAS **** EPIC! THAT WA-

    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    *siesta time*

    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


    *listen mate come back in 1 hour*


    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz




    *where are the knives*

    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


    *because MAX VERSTAPPEN IS GOING TO HAVE TO SLICE THROUGH THE THROATS OF EVERYBODY RELATED TO MERCEDES AND FERRAR-i mean the field to have any sort of a chance at winning this race again. Interesting story at Red Bull. Something with a new chassis and a new engine, so if Red Bull is still not massively quicker than the factory Renault that only Hulkenberg seems to perform in because Jolyon Palmer is a modern day Pedro Diniz with the personality of a pre-Kimi Raikkonen Sauber-car with a Supertec-engine, then Red Bull and through proxy Adrian Newey has SCREWED IT UP WITH THE CHASSIS. NEWEY FOUND OUT AS A FRAUD COMIFRMED? ILLUMINATI DOES NOT WANT RED BULL TO WIN!>!!?!??


    How many days until free practice? One. And that is the same amount as the amount per day of Honda-employees that will be taking their own life through ancient Japanese ritual harakiri as long as they can't deliver glory to the all great and powerful Fernando Alonso.