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The Joke Thread

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fIsince08 said:
Hughesy said:
I'm "fuming", just bought a VW


................
You got that off Mock the Week :p 
Indeed, but every joke here has been stolen from somewhere else ;)

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Thread revival.


Spent some time at my wife's grave earlier.

She's not dead - she thinks I'm digging a pond.

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When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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Giggyilly said:
When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Actually everybody wants to go in this way like your grandfather. God bless!

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A giraffe's Coffee would be cold by the time it reached the bottom of its throat. Ever though about that? No, you only think about yourself.

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My dishwasher broke, so I divorced her and found myself a new women.






 :# 

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Top Gear.                               

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My mother in law is drowning, I've informed the emergency services. 

I hope they save her, otherwise it's a waste of a first class stamp. 

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Trumpty Dumpty will build a great wall,
Trumpty Dumpty will be elected this fall.
All the King's horses and all the King's men
will be cheering when America is great once again!

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I'm putting this here even though it just happened as it's hilarious. My mate from work got pulled over for speeding on the way to work. Now for the funny part, he was listening to this song when it happened

http://youtu.be/tw429JGL5zo

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https://twitter.com/kthopkins/status/801365831280160768
https://twitter.com/KopiteLuke1892/status/801375440728453120?lang=en-gb

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Not quite as good as the response above, but still pretty good.

https://twitter.com/guardian/status/801784489110368256

https://twitter.com/RichardHammond/status/801794255253544960


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nevermind, delete                                                                 

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