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You at university?

 

I'm in so much pain...today my wife had me doing a 1 hour sprint session. My legs feel like jelly and my feet hurt...crazy cow is going to kill me!:classic_angry: The whole time shes running alongside me and talking constantly "come on kitty...keep going" and not even puffing. B***h!!!

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F-sake a week into my training and I've put on weight! How is that even possible? I started at 66kg and now I'm 67!!! I feel like I've sweated out at least 10.:classic_angry: I'm supposed to be 60 by the end of March, 55 by the end of June and 50 by November and the trek. Before I became a closet alcoholic around 19ish I was under 50 and I was just barely on the skinny side. My frame is so tiny, any weight makes me look so fat...LOL:classic_ninja:

 

I'm going to get a bollocking tonight, wife is not going to believe that I'm following the strict diet. I've had one naughty thing all week! One single little piece of cake.:classic_blush: I haven't even had any wine at all, just lots and lots of black coffee haha. 

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So...the truth is out...the badgering to go trekking was a ruse (we are still going though), my wife and my parents have been gravely concerned about my health over the last year or so. As I've said previously I had a breakdown because of work stress last year and after that I have stacked on nearly 12kg and have been drinking heavily. My father asked my wife to speak to me about it but she felt that I wouldn't respond well to her being direct (shes probably right...I was in denial I guess) anyway she came up with the idea of giving me something to aim for to improve my health. Today I had a go at her while we were training about me thinking she was pushing me too hard and going overboard and that I was doing her a favour by going with her on this trek. Thats when I got the truth, anyway I was furious and actually went to slap her (omg can't believe I was going to) luckily she grabbed my arm and then next thing I was flat on my back and she was telling me to calm down. HAHA don't attack a Tae-Kwondo black belt I guess. Anyway its all good, I'm prepared to acknowledge my alcohol problem now 🙂 I am hereby going 100% sober for a minimum period of 12 months...hope I don't get too aggro now and the work stress doesn't hit me.

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12 minutes ago, KittyFit90 said:

Alcohol withdrawal blows....I'm so irritable and having a lot of headaches. And this week I gotta teach an intensive course, means being in class with 14 students all day for a week, they are going to think I'm a total cow by the end :classic_sad:

I believe in you 🙂 

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Fark...I just totally snapped at a student, she was asking a question about something which I had literally just spent 30mins explaining the nuances of to the class. Without any doubt she wasn't paying attention! Still absolutely no excuse, at the next break we take I'm going to have to pull her aside and make an apology. So embarrassed...I need more coffee. Luckily my teaching assistant (a phd student who I'm supervising) is doing a marvelous job so far, I'm going to speak to my boss about him next week. 🙂

Edit: I think I'm in trouble health wise, I got so nauseous I collapsed in class and vomited on the floor, so embarrassing, they rang an ambulance for me and now I'm in hospital :classic_blush: I think they are going to medically detain me and detox me safely over a few days to a week. I didn't realise that my addiction was so bad😥

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6 hours ago, KittyFit90 said:

Edit: I think I'm in trouble health wise, I got so nauseous I collapsed in class and vomited on the floor, so embarrassing, they rang an ambulance for me and now I'm in hospital :classic_blush: I think they are going to medically detain me and detox me safely over a few days to a week. I didn't realise that my addiction was so bad😥

Well that escalated quickly. At least you realised now, which is probably a good thing for the future

Though I can relate to collapsing in class and getting an ambulance. It's certainly not the best thing in this world

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I'd been a bit dizzy and unsteady for a couple of days and feeling a bit queasy. The incident happened just after I'd been looking through a microscope (eye strain-o-rama!) I stood up and turned quickly and was about to speak to the class and I keeled over. The doctor I saw this afternoon says it will take up to 10 days to detox me :classic_angry: For the first time I was honest about how much I'd been drinking the last 12 months...I got the 'how are you not dead' look from her. 2 pieces of good news though, 1. I don't have to do any training for a while.. my wife was surprisingly sympathetic too and 2. I don't have to go to work for orientation week...which is always a nightmare. 

 

Oh and don't drink black coffee when detoxing, its great for the headaches but really really bad for everything else...drink water and lots of it. 

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9 minutes ago, KittyFit90 said:

I'd been a bit dizzy and unsteady for a couple of days and feeling a bit queasy. The incident happened just after I'd been looking through a microscope (eye strain-o-rama!) I stood up and turned quickly and was about to speak to the class and I keeled over. The doctor I saw this afternoon says it will take up to 10 days to detox me :classic_angry: For the first time I was honest about how much I'd been drinking the last 12 months...I got the 'how are you not dead' look from her. 2 pieces of good news though, 1. I don't have to do any training for a while.. my wife was surprisingly sympathetic too and 2. I don't have to go to work for orientation week...which is always a nightmare. 

 

Oh and don't drink black coffee when detoxing, its great for the headaches but really really bad for everything else...drink water and lots of it. 

I don't know if I can react to this with a like or not 😁 That's usually my go-to reaction in the off-topic subforums.

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My boss visited me this morning in hospital, which was very nice of him.  🙂 Told him I will return to work the week after next and that I appreciate him taking my first week of classes. I feel better today, the stuff they have me drinking regularly is revolting but seems to be doing the job. One negative I've already noticed is my anxiety is starting to return, I hope its not going to come all the way back like before (panic attacks etc.)

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Ok.....the anxiety is def coming back. Same issue as before I'm afraid, the medication I can take deals with it but it dulls my brain. Can't teach at a university if I'm not sharp...I got enough trouble with students taking me seriously as it is. They get over my appearance, bubbly over exuberant childish personality and age quickly enough when they realise that I know my stuff.

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Hehe its past 10pm and I'm posting here, nurse is giving me the stink eye from down the hall. Possibility of being released Wednesday they tell me, my wife has told them she will take the second half of the week off and look after me at home. She knows I loathe hospitals (it f's up all my little neurotic autistic things and makes me anxious). I miss my clutter and junk (if I remember I will post a photo of my office at home...what a mess). 

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Good news, as of today the last bush fire burning in Australia has gone out. 240 days since the first started, it is now finally over. A huge thankyou to all the fire crews both local and from overseas who have worked around the clock the whole time to protect lives and property. The time has come Australia, to pull our heads out of the sand and acknowledge that climate change is real, it is also time for massive investment into the various fire services around the country so that next summer they are better prepared and equipped. 

On a personal note my sister and my brother in law, have decided to rebuild their home as it was and move back to their farm in the Victorian countryside. It was meant to be their retirement (my middle sister is 22 years older than me btw) home in a few years time and it will be again. 🙂

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Yay! I'm home, laying on the couch playing solitaire on my phone and my wife is cooking dinner (she never cooks...like ever), I've got 4 more days of drinking this horrible detox concoction and then back to normal diet. Supposed to take it easy for a few weeks after just to be sure but I can already feel that I'm so much better than I was. The anxiety disorder tho...fark me its back!:classic_angry:

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My wife's cooking sucks, its nearly as bad as this detox drink. Had bacon and eggs for brekky today the eggs were way way over done and the bacon was burnt. She's trying to be sweet by looking after me but I'm afraid I'll be dead from food poisoning shortly. Do I suffer for a few more days until I'm officially supposed to be back to normal or find a way to gently take back over kitchen duties...hmm tough one. 

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It's soon time for F1. Considering that there are around two-three of us here right now, I might as well say this here 😛 

Australia will always be exciting no matter what... except that people will always talk about how boring the new season will be after the race!

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Second day back at work...had a panic attack 😞 I just have to bite the bullet and take the medication for it and accept that I'm going to be a bit tired.

 

Its so irritating, my logical brain says to me "hey you totally earned your position at the university, so what if you're younger then half the students, your phd was rated 3rd in your year at Cambridge!!!! get on with it" but my stupid head the anxiety part says "you're a fraud, nobody respects you, all the students think you're an idiot" ARGGHHH!!!!

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Omg out of curiosity today I looked through the academic staff list for my whole university. And I'm the only lecturer in their 20s (there are research fellows in their late 20s which what I started as at 26)...the next youngest is in the bio-chemistry school and hes 31. I was made an official member of the teaching staff at 28!!!! Now I feel even more inadequate...Phew....

 

If I could go back I reckon I'd say to my parents, please don't accelerate me through school, let me go and graduate at the normal age (17or18 in Australia)...I was 14...I was at uni at 15....I've always struggled with my age related anxiety in my career or while I was a student...I was a teaching assistant at cambridge at 24....that was horrid 😞

 

 

I feel so insecure about it, gonna make an appointment to see my shrink I think 😞

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1 hour ago, KittyFit90 said:

Omg out of curiosity today I looked through the academic staff list for my whole university. And I'm the only lecturer in their 20s (there are research fellows in their late 20s which what I started as at 26)...the next youngest is in the bio-chemistry school and hes 31. I was made an official member of the teaching staff at 28!!!! Now I feel even more inadequate...Phew....

 

If I could go back I reckon I'd say to my parents, please don't accelerate me through school, let me go and graduate at the normal age (17or18 in Australia)...I was 14...I was at uni at 15....I've always struggled with my age related anxiety in my career or while I was a student...I was a teaching assistant at cambridge at 24....that was horrid 😞

 

 

I feel so insecure about it, gonna make an appointment to see my shrink I think 😞

Mate don't be insecure about your age now! I'm sure loads of people would've wanted to be as young as you and especially when you've advanced so far in significantly less time than others 🙂

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